Napoleon syndrome... or worse

[jch216]

Has anyone here ever dealt with "Napoleon Syndome"?

For anyone who is not aware, my wife and I seperated a few weeks ago. I met a great girl at school shortly after and we hit it off immediately. The problem is that she has a live-in boyfriend that she has one child with. He is very abusive verbally and sometimes physically. He even refers to her as "my trophy". This guy is so insecure that he stalkes her everywhere she goes. If she goes to wal-mart he hides in ohter isles and watches her the whole time she's there. He's met me a couple times and, needless to say, he doesn't like me too much.

She's saving all her money to have a bankroll for when she gives him the boot

Relationship or not, I find it difficult to sit back and let a person that calls themself a "MAN" abuse and treat a woman like this. He is the classic wife beater... skinny and bird chested with a huge attitude.

He's already made the comment to her that he is going to "say something smart" to me next time he sees me. What is the best plan of action for a guy like this?

[Hungrycookpot]

You HAVE to keep reinforcing into her mind that this guy is just a dick, and WILL end up hurting her. Women like this for some reason just dont want to see that their guy is abusive, they'll think anything to let him off the hook, like "oh its my fault, he really WANTS to love me"

Ive had to deal with this once before, she was really in deep, and the guy made her feel like complete crap, to the point where she actually lost severe amounts of weight when she was with him. Eventually through literally weeks and months of drilling into her head that he really didnt love her, he was just using her, and that she had nothing to do with the abusiveness, she finally left him. It was very hard on her still, but she realized that shes way better off.

Just keep reassuring her that its not her fault, its his, because hes an abusive a$$, and if she doesnt leave him NOW, she will get hurt.

[Smidley]

Give him the Six Flags Shuffle!

He'll be speechless!

But seriously, I'd be patient and wait it out. If you know that she's serious about giving him the boot, that would be your best option so as to not sour the situation even further.

If, however, he does something to her or you so drastic that it warrants a serious beating, then by all means...

[Hungrycookpot]

Well thats the thing Smidley, ive dealt with it before, and even tho the girl SAYS she wants to get rid of him, she won't unless you reassure her that it will end up for the best.

[jch216]

Believe me smidley,

If she comes to school with bruises on her arms again he'll be paid a visit by me. I fully plan on explaining the whole situation in terms that he can understand.

He doesn't know it yet, but I've been a martial arts instructor for many years. Not to mention the fact that I outweigh him by at least 30 lbs. He may be able to man-handle her, but that's the last thing he should try with me.

[Undeadlord]

I don't know how PC it is today to say this, but I say good for you Jch. I cannot stand guys who are abusive in any fashion, and alittle man - to - man talk is what he needs then give it to him. Make sure he understand thats guys patrol their own when needed and he needs to get the hell out and cut his losses before you make life worse for him.

Undeadlord

[KAknight]

I fully plan on explaining the whole situation in terms that he can understand.

He doesn't know it yet, but I've been a martial arts instructor for many years.

LOL - AWESOME

I wish I could be there to see the look on this guy's face when he firsts realises that he is in over his head.

I was a lineman on a NCAA Division 1 football team. I'm a good bit bigger than most men and I have advanced self defense training. I have been in on 2 "conversations" with guys who beat women. I usually tell them that every bruise she gets he gets a scar. They tend to get the picture after that.

[jch216]

I usually tell them that every bruise she gets he gets a scar.

LOL! I think I'll use that line if you don't mind...

[jch216]

I did take it upon myself to teach her how to throw a few different elbow strikes and how to set them up. He had a black eye two days later. lol

[loftezy]

Has anyone here ever dealt with "Napoleon Syndome"?

For anyone who is not aware, my wife and I seperated a few weeks ago. I met a great girl at school shortly after and we hit it off immediately. The problem is that she has a live-in boyfriend that she has one child with. He is very abusive verbally and sometimes physically. He even refers to her as "my trophy". This guy is so insecure that he stalkes her everywhere she goes. If she goes to wal-mart he hides in ohter isles and watches her the whole time she's there. He's met me a couple times and, needless to say, he doesn't like me too much.

She's saving all her money to have a bankroll for when she gives him the boot

Relationship or not, I find it difficult to sit back and let a person that calls themself a "MAN" abuse and treat a woman like this. He is the classic wife beater... skinny and bird chested with a huge attitude.

He's already made the comment to her that he is going to "say something smart" to me next time he sees me. What is the best plan of action for a guy like this?

Many women who are with men like this have problems too...something to consider if you are interested in her. Why not find a girl who has less baggage?

[Theophylact]

And are you sure he doesn't have a gun? And are you sure he doesn't have a bunch of mean friends? And are you sure you're ready to intervene in a situation where she may take his side when you do?

Abusive relationships are not simple, and abusers are not always easily deterred.

[jch216]

It's not so much about her... it's him and other guys like him that this is about.


EDIT:
Good things to ponder upon Theo. The gun issue and the part where she may intervene would be my only two concerns. I've met his friends... potheads.

[Blazer06]

And remember, you gotta let him hit first,, otherwise you attacked him with a deadly weapon (i.e. you).


Blaze

[jch216]

I'm aware of that. I'm actually counting on him taking me to the ground if/when it happens. He prides himself on wrestling in highschool... After that he's fair game.

[Xtreeme]

"I've met his friends... potheads."

The point there is? I dunno? They are just as bad as abusive arseholes In you opinion or weak? Ill disagree on both parts. Cause if thats what you think (weak) your in for a hell of a surprise Ill tell ya that. Potheads aren't weak, and you'll get a wake up call. So don't write them off as easy cause of that. Drunks are weak, off balance-sloppy. Pothead gets mad and the THC wears right off from adrenalin. You might want to know that. Just saying watch your back. The most deadly opponent is the one you underestimate.

[Xtreeme]

And remember, you gotta let him hit first,, otherwise you attacked him with a deadly weapon (i.e. you).


Blaze

Words to live by. My dads a bouncer so he lives by that rule. Been for about 25 years.

[lone1dog]

No offense but,get real with this. She has his child,she is putting up with this,oh she may be telling you what you want to hear,but she has to make the first move there. Getting into a fight with this guy won't make it any better. It just opens a bad dialog and could get someone hurt. But your right about guys like this.

I would coach her to do the right thing and thats get out and make him pay child support,he'll wish he had took better care of her if and when she does. And if he comes looking for you....Well kick his butt. If not just do yourself some good and let him be .He'll get what he deserves from a womans scorn.

[jch216]

Lone1dog,

I've done well to avoid this guy since he became sour toward me. From the sounds of it he'll probably look for me before I would look for him. I do plan on at least TRYING to explain why what he does is so wrong next time we talk, but I can't control his actions. I can just control the consequence his actions will bring.

EDIT:

Extreme,

I don't consider all potheads to be weak... but I do know the stamina these guys have is nowhere near mine. I don't underestimate their abilities, I just know my own skill and potential.

[LeftCoast]

Not for anything, but it's only been a "few weeks" since you separated (from your wife), and in that short period of time you've met this girl and have had all this drama unfold. The expression, "Out of the frying pan, into the fire!" comes to mind. One would think you'd want some time to reflect upon this previous relationship, take stock of your feelings (after a little distance), try to figure what went wrong (and why), and see what's salvageable and what can be learned from the experience. You're not going to be able to fix for this new girl, what she doesn't want to take action on herself.

Are you certain that throwing yourself into someone else's problems isn't just a convenient way of not dealing with your own? Personally, I just feel you need to take a step back.

[chipbgt]

I am in agreement with Leftcoast. When you say seperated do you mean divorced or just apart? If you mean just apart, then what the heck are you doing already involved with another woman? Thats shocking to me.

Without knowing more of the situation im going to stop before I say some harsh words.