Dealing with Divorce for the second time

[GroundZero3]

For the second time my father has decided to divorce again. A second family that I love dearly. My step mom is a wonderful person along with her children who are 17, 18, 23, and 27. I love them just like my own family and I sometimes call my step mom, mom.

My concern is this. My dad is moving to IL today to look for work and etc. My step mom is staying home in MD. I don’t want to lose contact with any of them as they are my second family but im deathly afraid of how this divorce will affect my relationship with those. I have a very hard time keeping up with people when there is distance between us because everyone gets caught up in life.

I’m so angry at my dad right now I can barely type. This is the second time he has done it and it really saddens and hurts me.


Anyone else been in a similar situation.

[brandon184]

The only way I could relate is if you consider situations where your siblings find significant others, introduce them to the family - you get friendly with them and then when they break up you never see them again. But I suppose your situation would be that, magnified 5x.

IMO, there's nothing stopping you from maintaining a relationship with your step-mom and her children. Just because your father has decided he no longer wants to be a part of that family, doesn't necessarily mean you have to discontinue the relationship, too. And I'm sure your step-mom and her kids would be flattered to know that you would still like to keep in contact.

'tis unfortunate... But try and make the best of it.

Good Luck.

Brandon

[Beemer]

This might have happened to you in an other way as well.
Lets say school ends and you get a great job offer in another state. You move to the other state and have to travel at Xmas time and other special occations to see your loved ones.

The only problem you have at the moment is both your father and step mother may put you in the middle of squabbles. When my folks broke up, I moved to another province and let them hash things out without me. I was 21 at the time.

No one said life is fair. You have to deal with it the best way you can. Roll with the punches.

Cheers!

[desmocat]

I would think that you need to let your family know of your feelings. That way, they will know that you wish to remain in contact with them and will probably do what needs to be done to stay in touch.

This will take some commitment on the part of both parties, but you need to tell them that if they feel the same way about keeping in contact with you, that you can work something out.

Just let them know your dad divorced them, but you still want to be a part of their family.

Good luck.

[Bovon]

Good thoughts and advice from desmocat... I agree.

It is unfortunate that kids are always left holding the bag when the adult parents decide to split up...but it can smooth the path out a little when the kids can talk to the adults and let them know that they are NOT a part of the split, and wish to remain friends and in contact with everybody.

G/L

[GroundZero3]

Thanks for the responses.

I went to the gym after I posted that I feel a little bit better. I have talked to my brother for a few minutes which is hard since he is at VMI. he will be home this up coming week for thanksgiving.

The worst part is he is leaving Monday, and we were supposed to go up there for thanksgiving so yah that makes this situation more uncomfortable

Either way he will be calling me up tomorrow to discuss this matter, im not really sure what I have to say to him. All he has taught me so far is that when things get tough, to just run away.