A horrible mental breakdown.

**-FMA** · December 26th, 2005, 10:02 PM

First off, this is going to be a VERY long post. Also this isn't a happy post.

It's Winter break. My dad (well not my real dad, he's my two brothers dad but he's been there since I was two years old) is coming down to visit us for a little while.

During the visit we've been having some amazing talks. He's an amazing person who I look up to more than anyone, even if I only get to see him a few times out of the year, but one of those times is summer, so that's about a month and a week long I go there and visit him.

He knows all about how me and my mother don't have a close relationship and how I don't like her, for various reasons, but even so I still talk to her and have conversations.

Over the years I've heard both of them tell me bad things about the other one. So I've heard a lot. I can't really say what I know is true or not though.

Enough background information for now I think.

It's Christmas eve and I'm home with father (he instead of getting a hotel for us to stay when he came, he stayed at our house and my mother stayed at her sisters)

Well anyway, I knew my mom was going out to the bar that night because I saw her about 8 hours ago when we were at this family thing.

That night she was calling the house and cell phone. It was clear to me and my dad she was drunk. She started saying some pretty horrible things, so we stopped answering her calls. Hours later, like 1:00AM-2:00AM, she comes home instead of staying at her sisters.

At this point she doesn't seem to more sober. But she still starts up this huge arguement with my father. This is where I am not going to tell the full story, I'm going to skip what was said, mainly because the comments that were being said were horrible personal attacks, from parenting, lifestyle, etc, and even deeper. They were all out the worst things I've ever heard said to another being. And it takes two to argue, so both of them were saying these things.

Father leaves and goes into another room to end the arguement. I'm sitting down, very shocked at what has happened. Then my mother startes to talk to me. At first she says "Oh I'm sorry you had to hear that" and then changes over to "Oh the house is a mess" and she's like I woulda never let you guys do this stuff.

That was a biggest lie I've ever heard. Yes the house wasn't spotless, but it never is. She is comparing the house to what it was when she left because she make it clean. (BTW, this so called mess took 30 minutes to make look like it did before)

I told her "Don't tell me that, the house always gets messy like this, but it's always cleaned up"

She starts yelling at me now. Although I am argueing back, I'm not yelling. She's starting to make me very mad by now because her whole arguement is based on more attacks on my dad.

Then she comes closer to me and says "DONT ARGUE WITH ME, I am your mother! You wanna' know something? This whole trip your father has been complaining about you and how you never do **** and you've been making the visit hell."

Why would she say that? WHY. Is it true? Is it not? It doesn't even matter if it is or not, is that something I need to be told? This sent me into a major breakdown. I lost control of my body and started to cry. It was like a panic attack-ish.

She says "are you ok what's wrong" and now tries to be nice and hug me and such. I shoved her off of me and told her to get the **** away from me. She starts to yell again but only for a bit, then she's back to trying to hug me again, to which I refuse and push her away again.

She yells again telling me that I cannot do that because she is my mother. But just as last time she changes again and tries to comfort me, which is just making it worse.

My dad comes down to see this and somehow or another, another arguement breaks out. This eventually turns into them trying to figure out what is wrong. My mother knows damn well what is wrong, but she's not about to say it. They got on and on argueing what the reason is and my mother just plays dumb.

This whole thing lasted 2-3 hours, I'm not really sure, I wasn't keeping track of time, nor would my state of mind allow me to gauge it.

When I wake up, around 11:00AM on Christmas, I get on the computer and don't speak to anyone. We have this dinner to go to, I go but don't speak to my mother and those who I do talk to, I don't talk much.

Father is gone, he left at 2:00PM on Christmas, had to catch a plane.

Today my mother says "We havn't talked about that night...I know me and your father were wrong. I feel I owe you an apology and you owe me one."

I say nothing.

She talks for about 5 minutes, I listen. She does say sorry, but it doesn't seem sincere. Even if it was, I wouldn't accept. I just said nothing.

When she stops talking, I think she was expecting me to apologize back, but I didn't. I walked away.

Her comment she said to me, I don't really know what to think. Either my father has been talking behind my back and doesn't really think I'm all that meaningful or I'm living with a twisted person who is messing with my head.

I don't really know. All I know is I'm outta here in a year.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

-FMA

**paul9** · December 26th, 2005, 10:11 PM

Thoughts? Yes. Alcohol can alter a person's thought process and perception in a major way. That seems to be where a lot of this was rooted.

**osprey4** · December 26th, 2005, 10:12 PM

MY cousin had a big knock-down, drag-out fight with his parents (my aunt and uncle) many years ago. Of course, drinking was involved and his Dad in particular was a pretty heavy drinker (actually a serious alcoholic). He walked out of the house and told them he would not set foot in their house again unless they quit drinking.

Well, they both did.

**-FMA** · December 26th, 2005, 10:13 PM

Originally Posted by paul9

Thoughts? Yes. Alcohol can alter a person's thought process and perception in a major way. That seems to be where a lot of this was rooted.

Yes but this was when she wasn't drunk, she was drunk when she was calling the house, but when she came home she wasn't. She mighta been a little silly, but she was able to drive home and she was able to speak.

**brandon184** · December 26th, 2005, 10:17 PM

Alcohol can mess a lot of people up - my mother included. Don't let the alcohol dictate how you view your mother, but don't view her alcohol issues as being acceptable, either. It sounds like she really doesn't have any excuse to be drinking.

If I were in your shoes, I'd say enough is enough and set some conditions. If she continues to drink, let her know that she and you will not have a relationship. Unfortunately, you really can't have it any other way. If you try, you'll get hurt over and over. You'll endure situations where you hear your mother say things that she probably doesn't mean but bug you relentlessly anyway.

If she knows that she gets insane when she drinks, it's irresponsible for her to do so.

**dday** · December 26th, 2005, 10:22 PM

I hope you know that your folks have some issues and they probably have nothing to do with you. Learn to accept them the way they are and pray for them so you don't get a bunch of resentments owning you.

My folks used to fight like cats and dogs and eventually divorced. It took me years to figure out my feelings about stuff involving them. Learn to love them the way they are and let the rest go, you aren't going to change them.

Many years ago my dad told me something I'll never forget.
"You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family."
This does'nt mean you have to allow yourself to be manipulated or abused by them though.
I hope it all works out for you. sounds like you know they have issues. Learn to forgive them for being flawed and human. The booze brings out the worst in lots a people.

**-FMA** · December 26th, 2005, 10:23 PM

Yeah, so does go out drinking a lot. But it's not even that, we don't have a good relationship. But it wasn't this bad, it was more or less that it wasn't good so we didn't ever have anything to do with eachother. A conversation here and there, but we don't see eachother often, even if we're in the same house.

I don't really see how we could make things better either, it would take a lot. She's gotta' change herself before things will get to the way they were and she's gotta' change even more to get them to be good.

Now that I don't talk to her at all, she might get the picture.

**filipino** · December 26th, 2005, 10:26 PM

Sorry to hear that -FMA but that doesn't mean you have to be rude/mean too, people are just people and makes mistakes.

**-FMA** · December 26th, 2005, 10:26 PM

My folks used to fight like cats and dogs and eventually divorced.

They are, I didn't mention this. But they have been since 2001. They never see eachother either.

I hope you know that your folks have some issues and they probably have nothing to do with you.

That I know is true. The first arguement was fully on then and the old days and personal attacks. It wasn't until my mother started messing with me that I became involved and cause problems to me personally.

**Detritus** · December 26th, 2005, 10:27 PM

FMA, I don't know what to say. My grandma was an alcoholic but I lived 3 hours away and rarely saw her. Just some good thoughts FMA cause I like you!

**tmasboa** · December 26th, 2005, 10:28 PM

I would guess the outbreak was a result of drinking, and a not-so-good relationship.
Also, sometimes, when ppl are holding something against someone, they will lash it all out when they are angry. I don't know if that is appliciable in your case.

**-FMA** · December 26th, 2005, 10:30 PM

Originally Posted by filipino

Sorry to hear that -FMA but that doesn't mean you have to be rude/mean too, people are just people and makes mistakes.

I'm not sure where I'm being mean here. The arguements with my dad and with me were all started by her. And her comment to me made me loose it. So many things were going through my head, I couldn't think. Hardly anything made sense. I hardly had any control over my actions.

**-FMA** · December 26th, 2005, 10:35 PM

I saw her today, she stopped in for an hour. I asked her if she was making food. She said "Well now you talk to me when you're hungry..."

I left. I came downstairs few minutes later for something to drink. She told me she was making food.

Hour later I came downstairs and she told me there wasn't much food and she's going to a party and she's bringing it with her...she also said she's not doing this to be mean...

Basically that's where I'm at now, she's still gone. I cancelled my plans for tonight because I don't feel like going out and I want to relax, but I'm super bored now.

**Hungrycookpot** · December 26th, 2005, 10:53 PM

I dunno. Alcohol does alter peoples judgements, but rarely in my experience does it make people fabricate things that they would never think sober. Much more often it makes people brave/stupid enough to say the things that they would never say to a person sober. I think its likely a little lie or something your mom has been cooking up or thinking about in her mind, and just thought drunk it was a good idea to say. Or maybe your dad said something along the lines of "he doesnt like doing alot of housework" and she drunkenly blew it up. Ive met alot of crazy messed up women in my time, and its not something i cant picture anyone doing, making up something like that.

**rmk11** · December 26th, 2005, 11:10 PM

Originally Posted by -FMA

First off, this is going to be a VERY long post. Also this isn't a happy post.

It's Winter break. My dad (well not my real dad, he's my two brothers dad but he's been there since I was two years old) is coming down to visit us for a little while.

During the visit we've been having some amazing talks. He's an amazing person who I look up to more than anyone, even if I only get to see him a few times out of the year, but one of those times is summer, so that's about a month and a week long I go there and visit him.

He knows all about how me and my mother don't have a close relationship and how I don't like her, for various reasons, but even so I still talk to her and have conversations.

Over the years I've heard both of them tell me bad things about the other one. So I've heard a lot. I can't really say what I know is true or not though.

Enough background information for now I think.

It's Christmas eve and I'm home with father (he instead of getting a hotel for us to stay when he came, he stayed at our house and my mother stayed at her sisters)

Well anyway, I knew my mom was going out to the bar that night because I saw her about 8 hours ago when we were at this family thing.

That night she was calling the house and cell phone. It was clear to me and my dad she was drunk. She started saying some pretty horrible things, so we stopped answering her calls. Hours later, like 1:00AM-2:00AM, she comes home instead of staying at her sisters.

At this point she doesn't seem to more sober. But she still starts up this huge arguement with my father. This is where I am not going to tell the full story, I'm going to skip what was said, mainly because the comments that were being said were horrible personal attacks, from parenting, lifestyle, etc, and even deeper. They were all out the worst things I've ever heard said to another being. And it takes two to argue, so both of them were saying these things.

Father leaves and goes into another room to end the arguement. I'm sitting down, very shocked at what has happened. Then my mother startes to talk to me. At first she says "Oh I'm sorry you had to hear that" and then changes over to "Oh the house is a mess" and she's like I woulda never let you guys do this stuff.

That was a biggest lie I've ever heard. Yes the house wasn't spotless, but it never is. She is comparing the house to what it was when she left because she make it clean. (BTW, this so called mess took 30 minutes to make look like it did before)

I told her "Don't tell me that, the house always gets messy like this, but it's always cleaned up"

She starts yelling at me now. Although I am argueing back, I'm not yelling. She's starting to make me very mad by now because her whole arguement is based on more attacks on my dad.

Then she comes closer to me and says "DONT ARGUE WITH ME, I am your mother! You wanna' know something? This whole trip your father has been complaining about you and how you never do **** and you've been making the visit hell."

Why would she say that? WHY. Is it true? Is it not? It doesn't even matter if it is or not, is that something I need to be told? This sent me into a major breakdown. I lost control of my body and started to cry. It was like a panic attack-ish.

She says "are you ok what's wrong" and now tries to be nice and hug me and such. I shoved her off of me and told her to get the **** away from me. She starts to yell again but only for a bit, then she's back to trying to hug me again, to which I refuse and push her away again.

She yells again telling me that I cannot do that because she is my mother. But just as last time she changes again and tries to comfort me, which is just making it worse.

My dad comes down to see this and somehow or another, another arguement breaks out. This eventually turns into them trying to figure out what is wrong. My mother knows damn well what is wrong, but she's not about to say it. They got on and on argueing what the reason is and my mother just plays dumb.

This whole thing lasted 2-3 hours, I'm not really sure, I wasn't keeping track of time, nor would my state of mind allow me to gauge it.

When I wake up, around 11:00AM on Christmas, I get on the computer and don't speak to anyone. We have this dinner to go to, I go but don't speak to my mother and those who I do talk to, I don't talk much.

Father is gone, he left at 2:00PM on Christmas, had to catch a plane.

Today my mother says "We havn't talked about that night...I know me and your father were wrong. I feel I owe you an apology and you owe me one."

I say nothing.

She talks for about 5 minutes, I listen. She does say sorry, but it doesn't seem sincere. Even if it was, I wouldn't accept. I just said nothing.

When she stops talking, I think she was expecting me to apologize back, but I didn't. I walked away.

Her comment she said to me, I don't really know what to think. Either my father has been talking behind my back and doesn't really think I'm all that meaningful or I'm living with a twisted person who is messing with my head.

I don't really know. All I know is I'm outta here in a year.

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

-FMA

No offense Fema, but instead of putting these private matters on forums you should go seek help from a counselor. Maybe you can consider doing an intervention. I know you're having a hard time, you'll get through it. You can do it! I believe in you. Just get help. It's alright to get help, don't go on the forums. Nobody knows how to solve it on here. Maybe you can call AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) or something. Good luck, we believe in you. This is what everybody does when they have an alcoholic in the family. And don't say you don't have parent's permission. These counselors and companies are there for kids so they call on their own. Good Luck

**-FMA** · December 26th, 2005, 11:24 PM

Originally Posted by rmk11

No offense Fema, but instead of putting these private matters on forums you should go seek help from a counselor. Maybe you can consider doing an intervention. I know you're having a hard time, you'll get through it. You can do it! I believe in you. Just get help. It's alright to get help, don't go on the forums. Nobody knows how to solve it on here. Maybe you can call AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) or something. Good luck, we believe in you. This is what everybody does when they have an alcoholic in the family. And don't say you don't have parent's permission. These counselors and companies are there for kids so they call on their own. Good Luck

I'm didn't post this for help. I posted it for people to read. Just like an article I suppose. But those who read it have more background info somewhat because I've been a member here for awhile.

I don't need to see a counselor either. I'm doing fine right now. I'm just not speaking to my mother anymore. And I can deal with that because I don't want anything to do with her. Now if she wants to have something to do with me, she's gotta' turn her life around. I'm not going to help her with that either. At this point, I couldn't care less what she does in her life. I've got my own and other more important things to worry about.

**rmk11** · December 27th, 2005, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by -FMA

I'm didn't post this for help. I posted it for people to read. Just like an article I suppose. But those who read it have more background info somewhat because I've been a member here for awhile.

I don't need to see a counselor either. I'm doing fine right now. I'm just not speaking to my mother anymore. And I can deal with that because I don't want anything to do with her. Now if she wants to have something to do with me, she's gotta' turn her life around. I'm not going to help her with that either. At this point, I couldn't care less what she does in her life. I've got my own and other more important things to worry about.

I know that but that's exactly the problem. She's your mother, without her you wouldn't exist. You should have a bond with her like you don't have with anyone else. I had this same exact thing with my dad. I went to see a therapist and we've been inseparable since. If you're too scared to do that, tell her how you feel. I promise that will make you feel a lot better. If you're too scared to do that then you'll never have a normal life with your family. It's god's wish that you love your mother and appreciate her, not hate her.

**Knothead** · December 27th, 2005, 12:04 AM

Dang, Fema, I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you.

I've been through the divorce mill, and during that terrible time, I always tried to protect my daughters from the fallout, but my ex was just WAY too self-involved and self-righteous to think of the innocent parties in the divorce (i.e., the CHILDREN!!) and she did quite a bit of damage to them.

Which brings us to you...what you wrote indicates (to me, anyway,) that you are suffering from that same kind of fallout, and emotional baggage.

Dday and Hungrycookpot laid down some freakin' righteous thoughts, man...I recommend you re-read them, as what they said is quite true! I woulda said the same things, but they beat me to it!

But the thing is, Fema, it isn't about you, ya know? It's about people with serious baggage (that they don't have a clue how to carry) inflicting their pain on each other, and it's spilling over onto you. Sad. Like I said, I'm sorry to hear of you, or anyone I like, going through this kind of other-inflicted idiocy.

BUTTTT....They'll still always be your parents; and perhaps you can have the strength to continue to love them, in spite of all reasons to the contrary?

That...is the true test of your spirit!

**Gomer** · December 27th, 2005, 12:05 AM

I don't need to see a counselor either. I'm doing fine right now. I'm just not speaking to my mother anymore.

That is not "doing fine right now"

I did not talk to my mother for 2 years or so and it did much more harm to me than good.

1. See a counselor.
2. Don't respond to your mothers passive-aggressiveness in the same fashion.
3. Stay away from alcohol yourself. You are likely predisposed to addiction and your situation will eventually send you down the same path as your mother.
4. Hang in there.

**rmk11** · December 27th, 2005, 12:13 AM

Originally Posted by Knothead

Dang, Fema, I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you.

I've been through the divorce mill, and during that terrible time, I always tried to protect my daughters from the fallout, but my ex was just WAY too self-involved and self-righteous to think of the innocent parties in the divorce (i.e., the CHILDREN!!) and she did quite a bit of damage to them.

Which brings us to you...what you wrote indicates (to me, anyway,) that you are suffering from that same kind of fallout, and emotional baggage.

Dday and Hungrycookpot laid down some freakin' righteous thoughts, man...I recommend you re-read them, as what they said is quite true! I woulda said the same things, but they beat me to it!

But the thing is, Fema, it isn't about you, ya know? It's about people with serious baggage (that they don't have a clue how to carry) inflicting their pain on each other, and it's spilling over onto you. Sad. Like I said, I'm sorry to hear of you, or anyone I like, going through this kind of other-inflicted idiocy.

BUTTTT....They'll still always be your parents; and perhaps you can have the strength to continue to love them, in spite of all reasons to the contrary?

That...is the true test of your spirit!

And I didn't put righteous thoughts?