NEW POSITION FOR da DooG !

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 1st, 2002, 11:46 PM

"Today the New York Yankees exercised their option on an called up frm their 'farm' top-notch prospect Utility Player/Team Mascot"--

SportinG NewZ

NEW YORK TIMEZ--New York City, May 1 by Al Satianne " Following several days of tense negotiations, Yankees Managing Partner Geo. Steinlifter announced the siging to a one year contract with an option for second year; unusually talented Rookie player will begin today ; expected to be used in the Infield and off-the-bench, player-team mascot is believed to be a first. When questioned, Team Manager Joe Torrant spouted , "LOOK ! They's been Player-Coaches.... so what's da big deal about a player mascot !" Persons close to the negotiations say the BOSS G.S.was unhappy with the teams lackluster start this Spring.

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 1st, 2002, 11:56 PM

I hope everybody feels happy for me in my new job. I managed a clause in my contract-- that's why the delay--to play only Home games. Things got really tough over that issue but after that things sailed smoothly.

I'll let you know more...kinda need to get over the headiness.

DOOOOG

P.S. That's a picture that will appear in the Playbook. Wadda you think ?

**surreal** · May 1st, 2002, 11:58 PM

Awe,., Your avatar is so cute with our new hat and matching collar!

I hope you're fame and big money doesn't go to your head tho!

but you do look good gone Hollywood.

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 2nd, 2002, 12:20 AM

ThanX , surreal !

Do you think they got my better side in the Playbook picture ?

(I think they touched it up a tad...don't know if it's ME

)

DOO-

-OOG

**surreal** · May 2nd, 2002, 12:26 AM

I just figured you must have been having a bad day..
Sometimes when you have a cat for a manager,, you just can get excited, becuase they can be so irritating!

**kendo** · May 2nd, 2002, 01:28 AM

maybe too much humidity and a bad HAIR day

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 2nd, 2002, 01:29 AM

W-e-e-l-l Boss CaaT IS the reason I insisted on a Home Games Only clause in my Contract.

But truth be told--I'm not up for the 6:00 AM Flights to Chicago--if you know what I mean.

Hmmm..maybe I offer to accompany the Team to Annaheim CA . I think there's a FRY'S in LA

I wonder what my Strike Zone will be ?
Any ideas, anyone ?

But why am I thinking negative like ? Who'se goona throw a strike against a 298 Purple PoocH. And what Umpire is gonna call it ?

Ha ! I'm feeling better already

.

D

-0-

G

**surreal** · May 2nd, 2002, 01:38 AM

Hmm, just make sure don't give into the urge to releave your doogself on the bases!

You'll be in the pound if you do!

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 2nd, 2002, 01:41 AM

N-A-H ! Kendo.

The Photo is what Sports is all about. Kinda like Show Biz !

You don't see Shakira without her midriff showing...or Tom Cruise without a sneer ? Or is that Mickey O'Rourke ?

Anyhow, gotta live up to my Professional Photo.
Taken by Franscisco Scuvello. I think Richard Avadon was a bit "unavailable

"

You know about the protracted negotiations with Cablevision

?

I think they'll like me in The Bronx. Send me plenty of raspberries to show their affection

.

PRO-DOOOG

P.S. Anybody know how many games you have to play to be Playoff-Eligible ?

I maen with the late start and only Home games, I might not make the "cut"

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 2nd, 2002, 01:54 AM

"you'll be in the pound if you do "--

-surreal

No Way ! Ive been kicked out of all the Pounds in NYC ! (Yet another reason to insist on Home games , only.....)

First I had to 'mark-off' my Lockers. That's right --two Lockers for the DoooG . I need one for my Outfits. And one for my In-fits { when I'm feeling out of sorts

}. Plus room for my The Complete Edited Works of MegalosSkylaki, vol. I-III

I am working on Vol. I:The PuPPy Years. I'm doing in reverse so as to give it mature perspective

.

OH ! Did I mention ?
I'll be getting a Computer with Broadband in the Clubhouse.

This way I can keep in touch with TecHIMO !

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOG

**capybara** · May 2nd, 2002, 09:43 AM

Doooogs Rule
Humans Drool
Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooog

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 2nd, 2002, 10:40 AM

Yo,Capybara

[Big League accent]

Youse in the wrong League--Yankees is in the American League.

What League is da Chargers ?

DOOOO

G

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 2nd, 2002, 10:42 AM

P.S. How many Peoples want to hear the de-tails of my first Game ?
I collected a lot of batteries.
Wanna hear more of my success

?

**surreal** · May 2nd, 2002, 09:43 PM

uh I think they were thowing those batteries away, but you kept bringing them back..

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 2nd, 2002, 11:16 PM

Okey, here's how it went.

I tend to avoid bats cause you never know what they've sucked.

Up I saunter to the hitter's box; the crowd in the Bronx is quite friendly and made raspberries. I would have preferred strawberries.

First pitch: fastball. I look at it. Not my pitch. The funny-looking guy behind me yells, "Strike !" Hey, no way ! I didn't even touch it let allone strike it. Maybe he wanted a labor dispute

?

Second Pitch: Curveball. No fooling this DooG ! I smile at the Pitcher. The Funny-looking guy behind me calls "Strike !" again. What's with him ? R-e-e-aLL-y. !

Third Pitch:Slider Not my pitch. "Strike Three". I Howl with glee that I fooled the Pitcher three times into thinking I struck his pitch.
"YerOut !" yells da Guy behind me.

Soes that e-Xactly what I do. I run out..First Base..the crowd sends me some offerrings..I would have expected flowers or DooG YummieS but batteries and knives are OK. Second base. I bury three triple AAA's and some D's. Good thing, too cause some nice child sends me a Delco Maintainance Free(tm) car battary.
Third base....the Crowd is on it's feet...I can FEEL the e-L-e-C-t-r-i-C- i -T-Y . A 12 V Sear's DieHard .

Finally the moment everybody was waiting for. I RUN HOME !

WHOOOOPS ! I forgot. The game wasn't over. Back to the Field and jump on the Base just like back when you were still allowed to watch them Games on TV without paying for Cable Premium..

Even the Funny Guy with a Stuffed Chest is De-LighTed ! He swings his arm and points to my Dugout. The Coach loved it...He comes out and kicks some sand. Some kind of baseball ritual it seems. "Hit da showers , Kid !"

HEY !

I ain't no goat. "PuppY, maybe. but not "Kid".

And this nice child in the Stands calls to me . I get ready to give her my autograph and No Charge. "Can I have my battary back?"

How nice.

She must wants me to autograph her Uncle's car battary.

"My Uncle say's I shudda hit ya wit it " Graciously, I inform the sweet child that it wasn't neccessary. I'll autograph it even if she missed !"

Next time I'll tell you about my experiences in the field. Right now these nice people in blue uniforms want me to leave the Klubhouse Komputer.

ALL-PRO-DOOOG

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 3rd, 2002, 10:56 AM

All nice and gift-wrapped.

One gives me, The IDIOTS Guide to Baseball. The other team-mate , The MORON'S Guide to Baseball. How nice

!

I went to Barnes N'Nobles and get them a present, too.

The IDIOTS Guide to MORONS and the other gets The MORON'S Guide to IDIOTS.

Hey ! Don't nobody say I ain't preciative of gifts

!

MAJORLEAGUEDOOOOG

**Hawkeye** · May 3rd, 2002, 12:55 PM

DOOG! you go to Chicago damnit

. I live here

. Ela edo athrope

.

-HawkEye-

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 4th, 2002, 12:02 AM

Ah ! Hawkeye Pierce ,

You're practicing Medicine in Chicago ?
How nice

!
Errr...Whatever happened to Hot Lips Hoolihan

I think the Coach wants to send me South--not West.
Heard him say something about "sending me down"

How considerate of Joe to worry about the cold weather we've been having here.

Nowadays, I speak "Major League". Everybody around the KlubHouse does. Musta gon' ta language sk

L.

I'm learnin' da lingo. Like "corkin' da Bat" (

). Why do they like bats 'round here ? And why would a bat need cork in it to fly?

Is da Yankees a VAMPYR colony

?

Learnin other KooL stuff: how to carry Vasiline in your glove (Pichers)...(Hitters)how to hammer nails into sticks (Stakes ?)-- must be part of the VAMPYRISM ....

Joe likes me to take showersand sends me there often--but I am saving the Odor for my ] perfume line

All us Major Leaguers have 'side-line' businesses. Mine is PheromeS eau da DooG otta da RaiN

Next, I'll tell you about my first day in the Infield.

ALL-STAR-DOOOOOOOG

**Knothead** · May 4th, 2002, 01:28 AM

From the desk of
Edith Busby

Dear Mister Dooog,

I know you must get fan mail every day. Goodness! I can hardly imagine it! I just wished to drop you a note to tell you how much I enjoyed your wonderful performance, on the "gridiron", as they say. Oh, my!

Firstly, I must say: your uniform, while a bit, er, eccentric, certainly made you "stand out" from the rest! Pink is my favorite color, you know.

I thought it very gracious of you to bow so many times to the people in the stands, or the "audience" as they are known. Such a lack of manners today, alas, it was certainly gratifying to see such a gentleman! None of the other fellows in your "pack" were as courteous. Very little escapes my notice, Mr. Doog.

I sat near the place where the young men all gather to hit the little ball (I believe it is referred to as the 'end zone") And there you were...bowing and waving...while the young man was throwing the ball to the little short fellow, who was throwing it back...such a nice game. Clearly, you couldn't be expected to have to club the little ball.

I do recall a rather excited person making loud and vulgar exhortations having to do with salt and batteries. I do believe this was part of the ritual, as I was most puzzled at the throwing of batteries upon the playing field...but you will be pleased to know that nice peanut man gave me a whole handful of salt to fling upon the field, thus completing the festivities.

Well, what more can I say, It was a glorious day at the "old ball game" as they are fond of saying.

Yours truly, Edith Busby

**MegalosSkylaki** · May 11th, 2002, 12:10 PM

Please forgive my delay in responding to your gracious missive, but nowadays I been dodging missles.

In view of how eminent a Personage you are, I Googled your handle..err, name and all the Edith Busby's I could find are either dead or associated with some obscure scientific organization , such as Lycanthropes Anonymous.

Must be you are too famous to be in Google--or both famous and dead.

Also, I spend a lot of time unconscious. In addition to sleeping. And eating. All very vital DoooGish activities.

I have devoloped a solution to the storage problem reflected in the BronX BatterieS--bury them under Second Base.

Speaking of Second Base, I had an odd experience which I am sure you will appreciate. Just the other other day, I used my new batting stance.

The rules provide for "the batter shall place both feet within the batters box while batting".I placed two in the left-handers --and two in the right-handers.

I draw a "Walk", much to the consternation of the opposing coach and the Joy of the Jankee fans who gave me da "Wave".

While on First base, I get this signal--hand to nose, toe to knee, knee to elbow, elbow to ear, ear to nose which means "STEAL SECOND" in baseball sign language.

In addition to being VAMPYRS I now suspect my teamates to be Professional Thieves.

Anyhows, I stole second.

This was difficult as there is a STAKE whuich holds Second Base to the ground. [Notice the further evidence of.... well..let's leave that for my house guest, Dr. von Helsing XVII...]

I immediately ran home with it. After a visit by two gracious gentlemen who also were in uniform (I wonder what Baseball Team has a blue uniform?) I was compelled to return it. The Coach was also ecstatic and started his kick-the-sand dance.

The fans gave more offerings--including a generator--which I promptly buried under where Second Base had been.

Anyways, I have many creative ideas for my batteries--such as using them while playing Second Base with a little button in my paw that discharges them when some Opposing Player has the insolance to step on MY base !

Please, keep in touch as I am organizing the "BD Fan and Battery Club". Meanwhile , I am seeking treatment for this strange malady I developed where I think something is approaching my head. Must be all in my mind [BONKK !][PHLOP--OO]