Microsoft shifts focus to privacy and security

CMonster · January 17th, 2002, 06:10 PM

...and now, Billy_G's memo to end users:

Dear Valued Customer;

We are working tirelessly at Microsoft to enhance the security of our Windows products and protect your privacy. This year we have decided to focus on these issues in particular because of concerns our customers have expressed, especially in light of an ever increasing number of Linux zealots hacking into Windows computers and script kiddies writing a record number of virus propagated through Outlook.

That is why I am excited to announce Microsoft's newest feature "My Security and Privacy Passport" (MSMSPP). This network active feature guards against unwanted intrusion and disclosure of personal information. The best part is that there is no additional charge for the service and it will run on any Windows platform, even on workstations behind firewalls, and can be installed without administrator privilege.

To sign up for MSMSPP simply fill in the form and then click "SUBMISSIVE" at the end of the form (note - all fields are required):

Full Legal Name _______________________

DOB __________ SSN ____________________

Address _______________________________

Phone #s Home _________ Fax ___________

Cell _______________ Other ____________

Mother's maiden name __________________

Marital Status ________________________

If divorced enter child support payment amount if applicable _____________________________

Sexual preference ______________________

Race (please also specify color) _______

List all bank account numbers and credit cards

------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------

Employer's name, address, phone, and supervisor's name(s)________________________________________

Identifying scars or tatoos ___________________

Alergies ______________________________________

Next of Kin ___________________________________

Number of PCs _________________________________

Please list the hardware for each PC by serial and FCC numbers ____________________________________

________________________________________________

________________________ .............

List Microsoft Windows CD key #s

__________________________________________ .....

List pirated Microsoft software in your posession (note -this is to help create a security profile and will not be used to prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law) ______________________

Sterling · January 17th, 2002, 07:07 PM

Sure Billy Boy may have a right to know all that stuff after all umm well I am sure he needs to know because he would not say so if he did not, but I take my stand here I will not give my next of kin info......

PonzSpyder · January 17th, 2002, 07:47 PM

LOL, yeah right!

vass0922 · January 17th, 2002, 11:03 PM

See big bill really cares!
He really truely does!
Thats why I love MS SO much!
They really know how to treat the consumer.
They've heard us cry for help, and now they've come to our rescue. What ever would we do without MS??

SEALTEAMTHREE · January 17th, 2002, 11:11 PM

Thats great!

Cody · January 18th, 2002, 08:38 AM

Yeah... what would we ever do without a company like Microsoft that makes every software product we buy incompatible with their new OS every 3 years? What would we do without a company that has such an unsecure OS and programs that viruses are written almost exclusively for that platform?

Oh yes I see...

What would we EVER do without Microsoft?

Maybe we would have more reliable computers that did a better job at what we need... but naw... that wouldn't be any fun without blue screens

Cody

**GroundZero3** · January 18th, 2002, 11:07 AM

haha sexual preference?!

good one

JaYsin

PonzSpyder · January 18th, 2002, 11:24 AM

Quote:

What would we EVER do without Microsoft?

Listen, I love to bash MS just as much as the next person but think about this...

IMO:

I think that if we never have MS, we would probably have 50 different OS's owned by different companies and nothing from one OS would be compatible with the other. One good part about MS is that at least half the common programs that people need are also made by them and have a better chance of at least working with the OS.

I know that these programs still crash and yada yada yada but think about what it would be like if everyone under the sun started doing their own thing, it would be a mess.

Not to mention Tech Support... have you ever called tech support for a problem that involves 2 applications made by different companies?? They will both blame the other company and say that there is nothing they can do for you since it is not a problem with their software so you call the other tech support only to hear the same thing... we either need one company in charge or people need to start cooperating with each other and keep the lines of communication open.

like I said, this is only IMO

willy_ph · January 18th, 2002, 01:17 PM

At the bottom of the contract there would be a place for a signature.

Signature_______________

By signing this contract you acknowledge that your identity, your possessions and your soul all belong to Microsoft.

SEALTEAMTHREE · January 19th, 2002, 12:29 AM

I love to bash microsoft as well, but there's a good reason for me not running linux (besides the fact that I can't get a *backup* copy of it) and that is most games don't run on linux as well as they run in windows. If things change then I'll switch but for now I'm running W2K pro, which actually isn't that bad when it comes to lockups.